SVH Bitchin’


#49 - Playing For Keeps

* Photo credit to The Closet *

I enjoy the dreamy, slightly fuzzy quality of this cover – it’s obviously mimicking the way you feel when you’re in love, just like Jessica Wakefield is with that tall, strapping redhead A.J. Morgan! I do not approve of them both being in pink, however. And Jess’s lipstick is SO BRIGHT. Like whoa.

This may be the first book ever where I actually REALLY LIKE JESSICA WAKEFIELD!!!1 I don’t even know myself anymore.

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#48 - Slam Book Fever

* Photo credit to The Closet *

Hell yeah! Here it is: This is the BEST SWEET VALLEY HIGH BOOK EVER! And I’m not even joking; I love it. It’s quintessential. It could save the planet, if need be; that’s how good it is. Just try and tell me that you read this and didn’t try to start your own slam book with all your friends.

I think that blonde chick to the left is supposed to be Amy Sutton, but it’s hard to tell; she looks different on every cover she “graces”. I shun her over-sized orange shirt; she looks like she’s ten and ready for bed. That’s Jessica standing behind her, looking rather obnoxious. I picture her jumping around, begging for just a peek. Amy looks like she’s in mid-eyeroll at Jess’s irritating antics, and when Amy Sutton rolls her eyes at you for being grating, then you got problems.

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#47 - Troublemaker
July 2, 2008, 9:44 pm
Filed under: The "Novels"

Coming soon/eventually



#46 - Decisions
July 2, 2008, 9:44 pm
Filed under: The "Novels"

Coming soon/eventually



#45 - Family Secrets
July 2, 2008, 9:44 pm
Filed under: The "Novels"

Coming soon/eventually



#44 - Pretenses

* Photo credit to The Closet *

Yeah, so that’s supposed to be Steven Wakefield and his lady love Cara Walker, who appears to be pretty cute at first glance, but when I examine closely, it’s up for debate. Steven—don’t get me started on him. He looks like a ROBOT. He’s got department-store-mannequin hair and NO SOUL behind his eyes. What is that in his hand? Are they fighting over the dinner bill?

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#43 - Hard Choices
June 29, 2008, 2:20 pm
Filed under: The "Novels"

Coming soon/eventually



#42 - Caught In The Middle

* Photo credit to The Closet *

So dead Regina is now old news and Sandra Bacon’s back, as you can see, and, as the back cover tells us, she’s “finally found a boy to love”. A boy? The both of them look to be in their thirties and holding their breath, waiting the results of a pregnancy test.

BTW: The “boy” is Manuel Lopez, and I’m assuming that he’s the basis for Bruce’s useless friend Manny in the show and thus he’ll be about ten times more interesting in the book. Which isn’t saying much.

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#41 - Outcast
June 29, 2008, 12:01 am
Filed under: The "Novels"

Coming soon/eventually



#40 - On The Edge

* Photo credit to The Closet *

Does anyone actually have framed 8×10 glossies of their significant others like this? Perhaps not. Then again, I wouldn’t put it past Bruce Patman to get his photo taken (in an artsy black and white!) and pass them out to all his admirers. And hang one up in his own locker for good measure.

I was expecting a more glamorous lamp to be in Regina Morrow’s room. Hell, I was expecting a more exciting cover altogether, considering this story has a dead teen in it! That’s right, I said it. Unfortch, it ain’t Liz.

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